At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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