I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
