I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude i'm inner monologue high
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
