at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
