i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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