i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
