I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
