mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
