Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
