So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my being single is dangerous.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
