Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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