She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
