I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
