Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
