According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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