I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
