You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
