so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
