All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
