so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
