I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
