I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
