Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
