The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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