at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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