my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
