WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
