thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
