Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
drinking out of a sandbucket again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
