Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I came so hard my ears popped.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
