He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
