on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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