i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
vagina is talking i cant
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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