i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
