I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
