Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
