Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
