he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
