Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
