Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
