Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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