He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
