i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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