I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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