Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
