ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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