that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
