Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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