you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
