we have officially lost it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
