He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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