Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
