how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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