just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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